The Shame Voice is loud right now.
"Who do you think you are? Always wanting more. Always thinking about yourself. Never satisfied with what you have."
It's a time of transition and I know Shame is nervous. The Voice is always loudest and most urgent when light threatens another dark corner of Shame's lair at my core.
Survival is not enough. My heart longs for peace, joy, love. My soul demands that I step fully into the time that is my life. Now.
"Who do you think you are? You need me. I keep you safe. I have kept you safe all these years. You chose me. Without me, anything can happen. You will be hurt. You will be lost. You will make a huge mess of things."
I push hard against the membrane of Shame's safety. A baby bird pecking its way out of the egg. Needing to break through or suffocate. The shell no longer keeping me safe, but instead threatening my very existence.
"Who do you think you are? It's too late for you. You're old, tired, burned out. Stop grasping for the impossible and be grateful for what you already have. Life would be so much easier if you would just settle."
I have wings. I want to use them to explore the sky. I want them to carry me to the sun and beyond.
I have wings, Shame. I claim these wings and the being they are meant to lift.
I am whole woman with a whole heart. I am perfect-for-her mother with a perfect-for-me daughter. I am teacher. I am friend. I am writer bursting with stories to share. I am all of my experiences. I am my dreams. I am love. I am loved.
I inhabit a strong healthy body that is ready to be borne on my new wings to grand new adventures.
I am my feelings. Rage at my helplessness to be heard. Love for innocence and adventure and undying hope. Sadness for the pain of those I love and for my own. Joy at the sight of a bald eagle soaring overhead on a random morning. Anger at betrayal. Peace under a star-spangled full-moon sky. Fear of the unknown. Excitement of the unknown.
I am all of this, Shame, and I am none of it. I am Light seeking my own kind. You are Darkness. I am ready to take the next step away from the safety of your black cellar and the comforting lies of your non-heart.
I am a being who will not be caged with wings that will not be clipped.
I am flight. I am the sky. I am the sun.
Photo by House of Gary Photography